Molvania has a rich musical heritage, the origins of which stretch back to the Middle Ages when shepherds would carry a kvkadra (a simple brass horn used to drive away wolves). Unfortunately this instrument had a similar effect on audiences and, during the 16th century, it was modified into what we now call a zjardrill (a sort of goat-skin bagpipe played by pumping the bellows with one’s left elbow whilst moving a series of valves and reeds up and down a finger board). For all this technical complexity, the zjardrill was only capable of producing three notes, but despite this limitation a rich folk tradition soon developed around it. Even today these instruments can still be heard, especially in outlying areas where people gather to enjoy traditional dances such as the mzazeruk (in which a trio of young women perform an energetic jig whilst a circle of men attempt to fondle them).
On Air! Although there is no FM-band, pop music can be heard on the AM-band or
the more popular CB-band.
No visit to this part of the world would be complete without experiencing the haunting harmonies of the Molvanian Boys Choir. Despite recent negative publicity surrounding their choirmaster’s ‘extra-curricular’ activities (all charges were actually dismissed by a Swiss court), the young vocalists continue to delight. Here’s a tip – catch them now before proposed anti-castration laws are formally passed.

Two girls, one guy and a transvestite make up Molvania’s most successful pop music act, the award-winning Spatzal!, who made it to fifth place in the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest with their catchy dance tune ‘Vlarsh ei Czolom’ (‘Your Boogy I am Shaking’). Sadly, the group split up in 2001 (bass player Vron Gzapaov reportedly has a solo album in the works) but such was their influence that there are numerous Spatzal! tribute bands still touring the
Baltic region.


 Following the success of their previous L.P.s ‘Im’ Ready From Yuo!’ (1993) and ‘Hey Beutifulls!’ (1994), Spatzal’s ‘Let’s Rock!’ (1996) proved to be an historic album, described by Rolling Stone as Molvania’s first ever correctly-spelt English language release 
This extract taken from MOLVANIA – a land untouched by modern dentistry